How to start the magic OR building a life that is congruent with one’s primary values.

How to start the magic OR building a life that is congruent with one’s primary values.

Over 10 years ago. Me and my young daughter took a trip back to see my family up north. Building up to this journey I had been aware of a discord that I had a part in creating. I was not getting on with some of the female members of my family. Particularly my Mother or Elder sister. This was not one sided but I knew I could do a lot to end the clashes. So although I didn’t think it was all my fault. I knew I would be the better person if I took responsibility for moving us all forward. The previous weekend I had discovered that my primary value was connectedness and not honesty. Armed with this new discovery, me and my little daughter travelled north. Upon arrival on Merseyside discussion and chat started and I was given an opertunity to exercise my new value. I have always considered that I have extremely sensitive b……t antennae. And early into the trip they started twitching. Conversation moved over subjects that I had very different opinions on than that that was being expressed. So what did I do? …Absolutely nothing. Many of you are more mature than I was, and feel this is obvious. But this was new ground for me. Because of my commitment to connectedness I chose not to speak the truth. Now by truth…many of you will realise actually I was choosing not to express my opinion. My unsolicited opinion. A view presented by an upstart son or younger brother that was the source of much of the discord in my family. As me and my daughter continued our stay. It turned into one of the big turning points in my life. She was delighted being able to enjoy the family without the usual discord. But things didn’t stop there. I renewed my relationship with my sister and in the coming years was able to help her negotiate a way out of an extremely unhelpful block she had in her career. I took up a role in the lives of her children as a surrogate Dad or more big brother (as their Dad had tragically died when they were children). I travelled with them to India. And formed relationships with them that became some of the most satisfying in my life. All this came from a change of values and building a life around that realisation…something truly magical.

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